Sunday, June 17, 2018


So sad my vacation is almost over.  This weekend turned out lovely.  Yesterday I slept in until 8 and then exercised before taking Dyl to swimming.  We came home and relaxed for a few hours (I read and did anesthesia questions while Dyl watched Coco) and then went on a date with Luca where we walked around and grabbed a glass of wine.  Came home around 6.  Then we relaxed on the couch and watched some TV.  Dyl played on the iPad.  I know, lots of screen time.  Obviously I should feel bad about that.

And then today I set my alarm for 7, but actually woke up at 6:30, got up and made pancakes and bacon.  Then we ate breakfast together, and I took the dog for a walk, did some yoga, and took a shower.  I also did some anesthesia reading. Then we took Dyl to another riding lesson, which... she freaking loved.  She is beginning to get the hang of posting.  The barn really seems to aggravate Dylan's allergies, so we stopped by the CVS to buy some children's Zyrtec (though it turns out to be the same dose as mine, so we may just give her that) and some sunscreen, came home and relaxed for a while, I did some admin stuff I needed to do, and then we went to the pool.  I did some laps while Luca entertained Dyl and then we switched.  I somehow -- amazingly -- convinced Dylan to wash her hair at the pool shower so that we wouldn't have to do a bath when we got home.  And then I did edits on a manuscript and just sent it to be reviewed by the PI.

Such a great weekend, and very little of it was planned in advance.  We only had swim class Saturday and riding on Sunday planned, and basically everything else fit around those two events.  I decided that I had to exercise in the morning before we left the house because otherwise I have a tendency not to go at all.  I also fit in bits of anesthesia reading while I relaxed on the couch.

Man I hate planning.  It works much better if I have events that I want to do and plan my free time around them than if I have blocks of free time that I then have to fill with all the hundreds of million tasks I need to complete.  That just stresses me out.  I also have trouble coming up with things I want to do -- honestly exercising, lounging, reading, walking the dog, FINISHING work -- those are the activities that make me happiest.  Well, and also seeing my daughter do things that make her happy makes me happy too. 


Now back to the grind.  Actually it shouldn't be half bad.  I only have two weeks of residency left.  Yay!

Friday, June 15, 2018

I have read literally zero books for fun since.... I don't know.... March?  First I was focusing on getting my research work done (and I DID get a lot done), then I had a month where I was in the Main OR working ~70h each week and where I also had to prepare for three separate presentations (on different topics.  of course.).  Now that month is over, and it's only... seven? weeks until my boards and I really feel like I need to study.  Oh, and also get this goddamned manuscript out the damn door. 

I have also been trying to have some fun with my kid, occasionally exercise, relax a bit, and get enough sleep.  So.... I guess I have just been prioritizing other things above reading.  And if I'm really going to use bits of time to read (argh WHY???) I should be reading for my BOARDS and not for fun. 

Oh the positive side, at least I've made some progress in rewriting my manuscript this week, and have made time to study for about an hour every day.  And exercise.  And spend time with Dyl.  So at least there's that.  And I guess it's also true that I could read at night instead of watching SITC reruns with my husband (who seems to enjoy it as well).  Though, I have been doing questions and exercise while I watch TV, so... perhaps it's not such a time suck after all. 

Sigh.  I think I should spend less time analyzing and optimizing and more simply being. 

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Yesterday my husband took the day off and we went climbing together as a family.  It was... ok.  Because Dylan needed to be belayed all the time so she wouldn't get bored, neither of us got to climb as much, and I never really warmed up, and my finger tendons hurt.  We left after about 2 hours.  I came home and lay on the couch watching Sex in the City, Dylan played with this new horse app on her iPad (it's actually pretty decent), and Luca lay in bed doing God Knows What.  Eventually I got my butt up and did some weights while watching TV, which felt really good, and we ordered in Thai food from a new restaurant near the being-renovated former West Philly High School.

So... overall I ended the day feeling good, but overall it was pretty meh.  Luca was going to take Friday off too so we could spend time together as a family, but now he has changed that to, "I might take the day off," which feels like, "If you can come up with something fun to do, I'll consider it.  Otherwise I'd rather go to work."  Which kind of sucks! 


On the docket for today is a riding lesson for Dylan!  We finally found a barn in the area!  Yay!  Then We're going to go down to Forbidden Drive and have a picnic lunch.  Then.... I'm going to come home and AP#6 will watch Dyl and I will work on my manuscript, go swimming, and otherwise have me time.  It will be nice!

Still contemplating what to do with tomorrow.... with or without my husband.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Dorney Park

Vacation day#4 (otherwise known as slack-off day) continued with a trip to Dorney Park.  We had originally thought about going to Hershey Park, but Dorney Park is closer and (I was told by a mentor) has basically the same rides.  The major difference is the lack of theme characters and shows at Dorney Park which I (and the person who recommended it to me) considered to be a major plus.  

I decided to bring AP#6 because she can handle roller coasters.  We also invited Dyl's friend from school. 

OMG it was so much fun.  We started out with the kiddie rides, and then moved on quickly to the bigger kid rides like the Boat Splash ride and some roller coasters.  The girls rode the Tilt a Whirl 8 times (fortunately) by themselves.  After all that we went to the waterpark.  I distinctly remember my parents refusing to take me to water parks when I was a little girl (they were "trashy" according to my parents -- a sentiment they now deny, of course), but.... it was completely awesome.  They did a bunch of the big water slides and were completely adorable hauling their water toboggans up the giant ladder behind the much bigger, older teenagers.  Dyl and her friend had a blast, and it was so much fun seeing them running around looking so happy.  Much junk food was consumed.  On the way home AP#6 played DJ and everyone sang along to Katy Perry and Shakira.  I was shocked they didn't fall asleep in the car.  We dropped the friend off at her house around 8:30 PM.  Hopefully that won't get us banned from bringing her again!


(I even did 20 minutes of work on my manuscript before we left, which... I am proud of myself!)

Today Daddy is taking a day off of work and we are all going climbing at Gravity Vault for a couple of hours.  I am assuming that sushi, Chipotle, or pizza will follow.  I've already worked on my manuscript for an hour or so, and taken the dog for a walk. 

Hooray for awesome staycations!

Monday, June 11, 2018


Franklin Institute FTW!  A fun time was had by both of us.  Yay!

We also got ice cream on the way home.  Minimal whining took place. 

Tomorrow: Dorney park.  With a friend from school and our au pair so that I don't have to ride the roller coasters.

Sunday, June 10, 2018

It turns out Sex in the City is free on Amazon Prime, and I just finished watching season 1.  It's interesting watching it now.  It came out when I was graduating from college.  That was the world I entered when I started working.  I mean, perhaps the show is a bit of a caricature of the world in the late 90s, but some things really have changed.  For the better!  Examples:

1) One of the men on the show videos himself having sex with models without their consent.  It's discussed as a little icky, but that's about it.  That would NOT fly today.

2) Everybody smokes.  My residency colleagues never believe me when I tell them that smoking used to be cool.  You could smoke at my high school with parental consent, and faculty smoked in their offices.  When I started college there were smoking and non-smoking dorm rooms.  One girl I knew who became a Rhodes scholar smoked.  I'm pretty sure that would disqualify her now.

3) They shit talk other women like it's their job.  Doing that today is not considered cool at all.

4) Miranda is considered uncool and unattractive.  She's the only non-asshole among them by today's standards as far as I can tell.

In other signs of the apocalypse, I got breakfast in the hospital cafeteria the other day, and there was a table full of white man residents. In fact, they were ortho residents (big surprise), but actually it was, because I know there are several woman residents in the department now, and it was actually odd to see a gaggle of white men sitting at a table having a meeting.  The attending I was with said this was progress.  10 years ago it would have been commonplace to see only white man doctors sitting together.  Now it just looks weird.  So, yay!


I just finished a really really rough weekend.  We had a party on Friday night and were out until midnight, and then yesterday was our graduation dinner and we were out until 1AM.  I know.  And today I had a brunch that lasted 3 hours.  I had planned on coming home and doing some work.  Instead I came home and beached myself on the couch.  I need a break from all this socializing.  I can't believe some of my colleagues do this every weekend.


I decided eff it a bit with regards to getting shit done this week.  My original plan was to take this week so I could spend some QT with my daughter.  But the specter of all the things I need to do kept hanging over my head, and kept me from planning anything fun.  I know that no matter what I do there is no way that I will get everything I want done, and if I try, I will have a crap week with my kid and won't enjoy myself at all.  So, I decided to try and let it go.

Tonight, for real this time though, I am going to go through my emails and make my to do list for a) fellowship, and b) residency end.  And this week I absolutely must do my IRB continuing review for one of my projects and start revising a manuscript.  I know that once I start, I will gain a little momentum and it will get done.  However I cannot control my coauthors, so I know no matter what it's not going to get submitted by the end of this week no matter how hard I try.  So I will not try to do something that isn't actually possible.


Tomorrow: Franklin Institute.  Dyl picked the museum and the weather's going to suck, so why not.

We're going to have a blast.

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Tonight is our residency graduation dinner!  Somehow I’ve been in Italy the past two years and missed it.  I hope it’s fun.

I also started a week of vacation.  Last night I went out to celebrate with a friend who is getting married.  We stayed out until 1130, which... is super late for me.  Had a good time.

I’ve been stressed out all week about all the things I want to get done his vacation.  Which is absurd.  Of course I scheduled it when Dylan is out of school so that we could have some high quality mommy daughter time, but now I find myself a) not knowing how I want to spend it with her, and b) with a burgeoning to do list for myself.  Naturally I received several action emails for residency and fellowship this week too.  🙄

So I feel overwhelmed.  I haven’t even gotten my act together to make a list of what tasks I need to get done.  Was planning on doing that today, but.... did not.

Tomorrow then the plan is:
1) sleep in
2) exercise
3) go to brunch
4) come home and try to figure out my week

I think I will have to go to the coworking place to do this since so far I’ve been completely unsuccessful at doing this at my house. However that will necessitate that I get off my ass and out of the house which is easier said than done.  I will probably fail.  I can feel it already.

What would be fun to do with Dylan?  Hershey Park maybe?  But I hate roller coasters.  The beach?  I dont think she’ll find that fun (she never has before).  She has a rising lesson on Tuesday which will be fun for her I think. Luca said he would take two days off this week and we talked about going climbing as a family.

What do I need to do?  Study for my boards and complete revising a manuscript.  I also have to find a way to entertain Dylan since camp doesn’t start for another week.

What do I want to do?  Exercise daily and do some pleasure reading.

I have: our au pair to help and my husband, who most likely will only make things more complicated.

Also, I have been almost a complete failure at exercising in the afternoon so that has to happen in the morning, non negotiable.

I am not going to be able to get everything done on both my want and need to do lists, that much is clear.

Gah!  This is so horrible!  Why can’t I come up with a plan!  I hate myself!